To Win the Game
“Quietly Trying” by Carmella Dolmer
Even before God and school, we stumbled in the dark toward the string bean fields so Jiji could make quota. Our bodies curved over land as our hands flossed through bushes. Back then, we understood “quota” to mean shelter—reporting to Baabaa our grades, the number of nights our mothers cried, especially after four of our uncles went to war.
To keep us out of trouble, Jiji taught us how to play Hanafuda, requiring us to pitch our coins on the table when Baabaa wasn’t around. Everyone prayed for Gaji, the lightning card. Among the maple and cherry blossoms, Gaji stood out. Gaji was bold and blood red, and we were reduced to knees and elbows, squatting, unfurling with power between our fingers.
We’d shout, GAJI!—and slap Gaji over the full moon, over crane and blood red sun, over irises and bridge, boar and umbrella man, over the red mud blanketing one of our uncles who returned early from war. Over kids in school who called us commies even though we weren’t, even though some stopped calling themselves Korean, even though they knew that we knew but nobody said anything because everyone should make quota.
Gaji had the power to take anything away. GAJI!—and gone was the weight of the word “quota,” the slamming of Uncle’s door. GAJI!—Gone was Baabaa’s sighing, her gentle rapping, only the door responding back when she pressed her ear against it. Gone like the money we let Jiji win, hoping he’d buy us another pack of Hanafuda cards so we could slip the extra Gaji beneath Uncle’s door.
About the Author
Shareen K. Murayama is the author of two poetry books Housebreak (Bad Betty Press, 2022) and Hey Girl, Are You in the Experimental Group (Harbor Editions, 2022). She’s a Pushcart Prize nominee and Poets & Writers Debut 5 Over 50 Authors. You can find her @AmBusyPoeming.
about the artist
Carmella Dolmer is an emerging multidisciplinary artist with roots in both Hamilton, Canada, & Bicol, Philippines. She creates colorful Abstract Expressionism drawings and paintings, Fluxus bio-sculptures, and shoots 35mm film, but her main practice is centered around playing freely. She values play as art, and art as therapy. You can view more of her work at: www.softerfruit.ca