I'll Be Waiting

“Lure” by Madison Huffman

Because it was prayer time during youth group, and you were staring at me again with eyes like a starling’s, glittery, hard. Because I could tell you’d been watching me for a while and your lips were soft, open, and your teeth were small, gapped. Because you said Dad, she isn’t closing her eyes. Because your dad made you call him Pastor like everyone else. Because Pastor said it doesn’t matter if our eyes are closed if we pray with our whole hearts, Tattletale, worry about your own eyes. Because you were sitting on the school steps after school alone, for a long time. Because I watched you from the track, while I ran sprints and laps with the rest of the team. Because that happened a lot, you waiting for someone to show up, me watching you wait. Because I thought maybe you were watching me, too. Because you were still there when I was done with practice, done with stretching my hamstrings, hip flexors, calves, feet. Because you still wore ruffled ankle socks. Because the sun was out and there was a breeze; the collar on your blouse rippled against your neck like a sail. Because you were touching your neck. Because you were always touching your neck. Because when I looked for you at home track meets, you were always there. Because one time you said I ran fast and pretty as my horse. Because you wanted me to take you on my horse, but your dad said it was too dangerous. Because you told me I had the face of a noble steed and played with the collar on your blouse. Because girls in class called me Horse Face after that and you told them to fuck off. Because you didn’t do it in your normal prissy, tattletale voice, instead you sounded like your dad behind the pulpit, booming, unforgiving. Because you invited me in after I drove you home, and I wanted to touch your hand that was touching your collar, I wanted to touch your collar that was touching your neck, I wanted to touch your neck. Because you took me to your room like always, but this time you pushed me down on the bed. Because one time we were laying on your floor, which smelled like old cat pee and carpet powder, and you told me to close my eyes and open my mouth. Because I did, and you stuck your fingers all the way to the back of my throat, you were almost touching the inside of my neck. Because I liked it. Because this time I said Tattletale, close your eyes, and instead you opened your mouth and said my name, and you said it with your starling eyes, and you said it with your whole heart. 

About the Author

Ani King (they/them) is a queer, gender non-compliant writer, artist, and activist from Michigan, and a current SmokeLong Emerging Writer Fellow. They can be found at aniking.net or on Bluesky. 

about the artist

Madi - born a multifaceted creative, has been juggling any medium she can get her hands on and exploring many avenues of the art world. She has the belief that all things are possible if you put in the work. Therefore, she is not setting limits on what is possible, and always urging others to reach for the stars. She has pursued art since she was the tiny age of four when her parents would say that, “she was born with a pencil in hand.” Exploring many various mediums, exposing herself to a range of art along the way, and learning from multitalented artists and teachers, she has found her stride in painting as of late.