antilullaby

“Kentcharm” by Jodie Filan

for Play Dance bar

caution tape tied upside down 
and smiling in the wind. 

it’s one a.m. and the building is breathing. 
i can’t stop thinking about how spiders

are born knowing how to do math
and i can’t tell the difference between a hundred

people and a thousand people 
all i know is body heat. 

the name of this bar is PLAY and i love
how that fucks sentences up just a little

like, oh i’ll meet you at PLAY.  
when i was 21 the world shut down

and when i was 22 the world was shut down
and now i’m 23 

watching david make the faces people
make at their first drag show.

all our drinks are doubles.
all our drinks are double vodka crans.

all our mothers are asleep.
the bathroom lighting

makes us look sort of ugly and i love it.
i’ve never heard this song before.

i literally don’t even live here
thank you for having me. 

we used to have to take a train
to get to the gay bar

technically it was the next state over,
and can i tell you a secret. 

i never fit in there not really
but i kept showing up. 

they’re playing crazy in love
so loud i forget what shoes i’m wearing.

i’m like, remember being five!
i was five when this came out,

and now i’m in louisville
wishing i had eight arms and legs

so i could dance even better.
i hope my taxi never comes.

i bet someone’s falling in love in there 
right now, and all the stars showed up to watch

because the asphalt is glittery,
and the sky is black. 

about the author

Casey Smith is an MFA candidate at the University of Tennessee-Knoxville. She is an assistant poetry editor at Grist Journal. Her poems are published in Split Lip Magazine, underblong, Wax Nine, Passages North, and others. Find her on Twitter: @aeyoei.

about the artist

Jodie Filan was born and is located in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan and is 29 years old. Find more at www.jodiefilanart.com.